Out with the moon, into to the darkness. The days, for me, have grown increasingly longer. Since the daylight savings time change at the end of October, my body thinks we’ll awake before the sun has risen. As early as 4am, I stare out into the darkness wondering why I’m up this early, at this time of year. When I tell people how early I’ve been waking, the response is “Oh, farmer’s hours!” My response is, yeah, but I’m not that kind of farmer. Out of bed at 4am would be great if the daylight could catch up with my habit. 4am would be wonderful at the height of summer, when the days are sometimes 18 hours long – not the actual daylight, but the hours I work, sometimes with the aid of a headlamp.
Anxiety has been a mistress to invade my sleeping hours and shake me from sleep. I awake to a grogginess that quickly turns into a panic as I think of the lack of restful sleep that seems to evade me. I quickly calculate a time in the day for a quick nap, but realize the projects I have before me will not allow for a rest. Usually, at high tides of job related workloads, my brain reels with creative processes, deadlines, supply lists, tasks… a relentless cycle of ‘to do’s.’ Suppose this is how I roll? An employer to myself, the work is never finished, but, Ah! I’m never bored. I’m quite possibly sleepy, but never without an adventure waiting.